The 4 Steps I Use to Ask Forgiveness 

Forgiveness can be such a hard thing. For me, especially so since C got hurt. He’s changed since then. Not necessarily in a bad way, just different. In part because of his PTSD. And one of the things that I always have to keep in the back of my mind and navigate is the potential for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder triggers. 

PTSD is one of those things that can be difficult to predict. I can try and avoid triggers, of course, but sometimes something unexpected can trigger. And if you love someone with PTSD, I know you can relate. 

Of the {highly technical} research I’ve done, there’s no blanket reaction one can expect from an individual with PTSD. They can really run the gamut between indifference and rage. It can be difficult. 

1. Let them have their time. Sometimes, they just needs a little while to be mad. And that is completely OK. Approach them after they’ve had some time to cool off. 

2. Apologize. It seems obvious, but if you’ve wronged this person or upset them with your actions, “I’m sorry,” is an important sentiment to put into the conversation. You can’t assume that they know that you’re sorry. 

3. It’s not a matter of “an eye for an eye”. Steer clear of words like “but” or sentence segways. You can’t ask forgiveness by putting the issue back on the one granting forgiveness. Instead, sit down an have an honest discussion. You might be surprised how far it gets you. 

4. Offer restitution. If a physical object was broken, it can be replaced. If something less physical, like trust, was broken, you’ll need to fix that too. Which also means you need to deliver on the restitution you’ve offered. No backsies. 

Its not rocket science, but sometimes we all need a little reminder. 

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